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making hard decisions

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  • eds1999 eds1999's Avatar 11-18-07 | 09:21 PM
  • We've been through a LOT of IUI's. I am starting to formulate a plan for what we're going to do if it just doesn't work again. I have been looking into adoption in our state, to get a feel for how things work. Since we've already accepted the fact that a child would not be 100% genetically both of ours, the idea of adopting doesn't seem like a big deal. I think it would be more of a big deal for our families, since none of them know about anything, not even the miscarriage (i'm talking extended here).

    Have any of you out there stopped fertility treatments and made the decision to adopt? What are your experiences?

    We are not going to move on to IVF. We did 8 iui's before we got pg, of those 2 or 3 were medicated before it worked. Now, with another iui down the toilet since our loss, im starting to wonder how long we'll do this. DH says as long as it takes, but i realize that there are only so many we can do with the meds before it gets unhealthy.

    well thats my ramble...
  • Oreo Oreo's Avatar 11-18-07 | 09:57 PM


    I haven't been in your shoes, but my dear friend has. She gave up on the IVF route due to $$$ and other biological reasons that made it a better decision for her and husband.

    She is now a mom to two beautiful little girls (adopted in the USA). One thing I would like to share is there was a huge difference in how the two different agencies she used worked and the time frame each had for placing babies with families. My advice is to look to adoption support groups in your area to find out about the different agencies from families who have used them, since, from my friend's experience, we have learned that they are not all as wonderful and great as we'd want in terms of support.

    Good Luck Erica!!! I hope you and DH the best as you wade through all of these decisions.
  • ~babywanted~ ~babywanted~'s Avatar 11-21-07 | 01:56 AM
  • We got to a point where we were moving forward with doing a cycle with donated embryos (a couple was going to donate to us their 8 beautiful blasts). They were finished with their beautfiul twins. To me, it was similar to adoption as there'd be no genetic connection, but I got to carry the pregnancy and our odds went up to 80-90%. I was so excited about it and while going through the legal process we decided to do one more cycle, unmedicated at home ICI and it miraculously worked. At that point I think I had done 8 IUI's, 1 ICI at home, 1 IVF, 1 FET and had 3 miscarriages. It was truly our miracle. And, they are ALL miracles, no matter how your child/ren come to you. Wish you the best in your decision making process.
  • SnowboardingMommy SnowboardingMommy's Avatar 12-21-07 | 09:28 PM
  • DP and I TTC'd for what seemed like an eternity because we figured that getting me pg would be the frugal way of becoming parents (we figured adoption would be $40K+!) Well, after almost 4 years of many BFN's, m/c's, ectopic, chemical, we decided to go back to plan A and look into adoption, this time through foster care. In 2004 we were blessed with a 5 1/2 week old baby girl - Shaye, in 2005 Naia came to us at 8 weeks, and then in 2006 Shaye's bio sister, Laela, was born and she came to us at a mere 24 hours old (we knew about birthmom's pregnancy and expected her arrival).

    Getting off the speeding bullet of infertility was the best thing we ever did. Biology never meant a thing to DP or myself (again, we would never share a genetic link to our children anyway) and my children are the reason my heart is beating today.

    I wish you luck with whatever you choose!! Come join us on the adoption board.

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