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I've got to talk about the birth!!

I've got to talk about the birth!!

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  • Dopey406 Dopey406's Avatar 01-03-07 | 12:28 PM
  • Ami, I can TOTALLY sympathize with you. Sarah's birth was dreamy and everything I imagined it would be. Char's delivery was harried, frightening, and caused me intense trauma. I had a serious case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) afterward.

    We had a placental abruption with Charlotte and when I was 6cm, her heartrate dropped below 30 bpm
     
    and I had to push her out of a 6 cm cervix. The doctor didn't make it in time (nor did the stupid on-call doctor who was right down the hall--she's an idiot so I'm kinda glad she didn't make it) so a c-section an option. Most babies who experience an abruption like ours die before they're able to be born and it's not entirely uncommon for the mother to experience a fatal blood loss.

    I know what you mean when you say that you feel like you had no control, there were tons of strangers watching, and it all just seems so weird. That's how I remember Char's birth. There were three nurses trying to deliver me, an anesthesiologist, and two or three NICU nurses in addition to DH and me. A couple of nurses popped their heads in to see the "action" and while I didn't think about it at the time because I was focused on saving my baby's life, I look back now and think, "What the hell were they doing there???"
     


    We dream about wonderful deliveries and Sarah's was EXACTLY how we'd planned it. ******She also had a true knot in her cord and we hadn't even thought about that possibility before then. So she's also our miracle little girl. A near miss both times!
     


    Ami, I would encourage you to talk about this as much as possible. Talking about it, no matter how redundant it might seem, will help you flesh out your feelings about it and will allow you to accept it as it happened. Before this happened, I would have said, "It's a happy ending--be happy!" but now that I've experienced it, I can say that it's important to talk, talk, talk about it. Do whatever you need to do to come to terms with this and to find joy in the delivery. It took me about 10 months to be fully invested in Charlotte as a person because the PTSD got in the way. I just saw her as a project, something to be accomplished, rather than for the beautiful little girl she was. I'd hate to see you take the same path.

    If you need to talk, any time, about this, please PM me. It definitely helps to discuss it, and if I'd had someone to talk to who could relate to that same feeling of helplessness, vulnerability, and fear, I think it would have been even better. So please lean on me if you need to.
     


    Keep loving that little Gus.
     
  • babyMarksMom babyMarksMom's Avatar 01-03-07 | 05:10 PM

  •  

    talk about it all you need to, we're here to listen. Gus's birth was traumatic for you, I hope that by talking about it you will feel better. as for the future..don't count as having a shorter labor. I've had several short labors followed by longer labors for the next baby. next time, you'll probably be making more trips to L & D just in case...or you could just skip the hospital and have a homebirth
     
  • AmiKW AmiKW's Avatar 01-03-07 | 06:56 PM
  • Oh no ma'am! No home birth for me, I like knowing someone else is in control, I was terrified, I can't imagine doing it at home. But honestly Gus was our last baby, so unless we have an oops before the vasectomy is 100% then no more births for me.
    Deanna thank you so much!! Don't be surprised if you get a pm from me at 3am one night,
     
    that seems to be when I think about it the most, the middle of the night, when I'm up nursing and all I can do is think.
  • 3Princes 01-19-07 | 09:58 PM
  • I just found this post tonight but it's sooooo weird because I was thinking about you today and thinking about how I still wouldn't be over how it all happened, even now (and I'm reading this 3 weeks after the fact!). I can't imagine how frightening it must have all been for you and how helpless you must have felt. I agree that you should keep talking about it. I'm always here to listen as well!
     
  • skyqueen skyqueen's Avatar 01-19-07 | 11:57 PM
  • Well, Ami - I just saw this too but I want you to know that you're not alone. And it is super easy to play the what if game.
    You know my story I think -
    the pneumonia I had was the clincher for me. There were so many things I could have and should have done differently to have a better outcome. (and the Drs too who were major idots in that department). When it got right down to it, Andrew could have died and so could I. (and 2 nurses told me that had it been just 15 years earlier, I probably would have died).

    I never intended to have a natural birth. And I certainly didn't think I'd be giving birth with full blown pneumonia.
     
    not fun. Broken ribs - the whole 9 yards. On top of all of that, I had a complication from doing that VBAC. After the placenta came out, the placenta had been growing into my old c-section scar. when the placenta came out, it ripped open my old scar from the inside! I was bleeding out and I too had a whole host of Drs and specialists all over the place for me. (there was a regular convention outside the room (that they kicked someone out of for me) trying to decide what to do for me and on and on)
    The whole thing was and is still just surreal. Yours will be a story to last a lifetime. (as if all births aren't
     
    )
    and you will wear that badge of honor for a long time to come.
     


    My aunt had her baby on the gurney OUTSIDE the hospital!
     

    they drove over 90mph thru country hilly roads FULL of deer (limited sight visibility from the hills and the thick trees shrouding the deer) in the middle of the night to make it to the hospital.
    Things that you remember - and are proud of.

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