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Do people think...(vent-child ment'd)

Do people think...(vent-child ment'd)

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  • Erinn Erinn's Avatar 11-01-04 | 02:36 PM
  • before they speak. My SIL came over with her 4 kids yesterday for Halloween. They wanted to show DH and I their costumes (they did look cute). Everytime my SIL comes over (which isn't often-I think our infertility makes her uncomfortable), she has to comment "how clean Auntie Erinn's house is because she doesn't have any kids" and the fact that it is not "kid-friendly". Now I can take this comment a couple of ways. 1. she is jealous because I can have a clean house 2. she is trying to make me feel better about not having kids. Regardless of the reason, I always feel hurt by it. I would trade a clean house anyday for a messy house with kids.
     
  • Carriebear1977 Carriebear1977's Avatar 11-01-04 | 02:48 PM
  • thats so frusterating. Im sorry she hurt your feelings. I know the feeling, in my personal opinion I have experienced that also and they act oblivious to the fact that you want children and would trade a clean house for a messy house with children any day. I dont think people realize how hard it is on a person with the things they say, maybe she didnt do it on purpose? Some people dont always know what to say I guess.
     
    Im sorry Im not much help.
  • N8S MOM N8S MOM's Avatar 11-01-04 | 02:57 PM
  • I am so sorry she made that comment to you. Some people really don't think. I have some "friends" like that too. We don't hang out often (and like you, I believe it's because they feel uncomfortable around me), but whenever we do, you can tell they are trying to say "something," but aren't sure what to say. For the most part, the subject of infertility/adoption doesn't come up unless I bring it up. (They're afraid of me, I guess lol)

    If I were you, I'd be honest with her and tell her that her comments (however she intended them to be) are hurtful towards you. That way, she'll think twice about saying something like that again.
  • LeAnnimal LeAnnimal's Avatar 11-01-04 | 07:59 PM
  • I don't know her, but I can only hope that she was trying to mean it in a good way. Just the other day someone told me I should sell my boat so that we had money for adoption. ugh. We bought the boat for our FAMILY. besides, it's my business how we spend our money. I'm sorry for you and we all know how painful it is. We're thinking of you...

     
  • ~babydoll~ ~babydoll~'s Avatar 11-01-04 | 09:12 PM
  • I'm sorry
     

    No matter what her intentions, you must tell her that those comments upset you. Give her the benefit of the doubt and tell her you're sure she doesn't mean it that way, but . . . there's so much else to talk about, isn't there?

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