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Coping With the Frustrations of Infertility

Alison Wood |22, April 2013


"So, when are you and your hubby going to have a baby?", "All right, how long do we have to wait for you to get pregnant?" Have you heard these questions before? If you have you may be one of the many women that cope with infertility. Many women are embarrassed to admit they have a fertility problem with friends and relatives. Sometimes only the couple that is trying to receive and the primary care physician are the only ones aware of their struggles to bring a new life into this world.

Infertility can become a life altering experience. Your future plans and dreams suddenly have come to a screeching halt. The typical American home with the mom, dad, two kids and a dog scenario seem like a cruel, unreachable dream. You may even begin to resent the fact that others can conceive so easily. You become angry when you think of the mothers that don't even want a child and complain about motherhood. You often wish you had those sleepless nights, stretch marks and middle-of-the night feedings.

You are not alone. Statistics report that 15% of all married, American couples struggle with infertility. Unfortunately, infertility does not just have physical effects, but it can have major emotional effects on you, your loved ones, your spouse and close friends. How can you cope with this unending, tearful nightmare that invades your thoughts almost every moment of the day?

Admitting the Truth.

Couples are typically in shock and disbelief the first several months after trying to conceive. They have automatically assumed that without contraceptives and other preventative measures, conceiving a child will happen immediately.

Once time continues to pass, and still no positive-result pregnancy test, many negative emotions ensue. Frustration, anger, denial, guilt, jealousy and even blame begin to take root in the hearts of infertile couples.

The first step to begin to deal with all these harmful feelings is to admit to yourself and others that there could be an infertility problem. Seeking medical help to rule out infertility can be just what a couple needs to hear. Then, they can begin to share with others. They can find support in the arms of loving friends and relatives and even seek out support groups to share their pain with others.


Don't forget there are others struggling with fertility. There are success stories and heart-wrenching ones. Find online forums or support groups where you can read other people's stories. Sometimes they have found solutions that may work for you as well.


Search the library for books and magazines on the topic of infertility. Arm yourself with tools people have used to overcome this struggle, as well as when to face the reality that nothing can be done, medically speaking. Sometimes different diets or fertility treatments have proved to be successful in causing a couple to conceive that otherwise were labeled infertile. When you visit your doctor, be prepared. Take a list of questions that you may have in order to understand your situation better and all possible options. There have been times when a patient's question has aided a doctor in deciphering the best treatment for the patient.

Think before you jump.

If you and your spouse decided to begin fertility treatments, consider all the risks involved before you jump right in. Infertility treatments can be very invasive as well as extremely expensive. Be aware that most insurance companies do not cover fertility treatments. Most couples count it worth the risk and money. Some find help immediately through minimal medical intervention. Others spend years and thousands of dollars before they become successful in conceiving. Some walk away still infertile after years of treatment.

Try to move on.

If you and your spouse decide that you are done with fertility treatments, then take time to consider the following positives that have resulted through this trying time in your life.

- Realization that you cannot control everything that happens in your life.

- A closer-knit relationship with your spouse.

- Acceptance that difficulties in life can produce a stronger and better rounded individual.

- The ability to empathize with others that struggle with infertility. You can look at the young married couple and tell them through tear-glistened eyes that you understand their pain and their sorrow. That goes beyond, "I'm sorry".

- Admittance that achieving life goals and dreams is not necessarily what make up a happy and content life.

Venture out.

Start a new hobby to re-focus your thoughts and energy. Try choosing a hobby that could be centered around helping others. Many times encouraging others and coming to their aid helps you stop focusing on your own hurts and trials. It also helps you meet others that are suffering in other areas of life where you have never struggled. Empty spots and gaps in our lives are often filled and healed by serving and aiding others. Try it and see for yourself!

Alison Wood is a stay-at-home mom of six and freelance writer and blogger. She enjoys raising her six children and desires to share her experiences to help other mothers.

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